Did you ever wonder how degenerate the Warrenton Warrior could get? I doubt it, but you’re about to find out anyway.
There is a Taco Bell in Warrenton, on a lovely, tree-lined street of boutique stores called Discovery Lane.
There are 24 Yelp! Reviews of this Taco Bell. Let’s rank all 24 from my least favorite to my most favorite.
24. Missy’s Review (my least favorite)
“I haven’t eaten today so I was really looking forward to my mediocre quesadilla. Until I saw the cashier (who was really pleasant) pick up a sharpie off the floor and hand it to the food prepper, who then handled my quesadilla.
It’s Taco Bell, I’m not expecting 5-star dining…. but basic health code requirements don’t seem like too much to strive for. Latex gloves don’t matter if you’re handling things off the floor and then touching food.”
-Missy
Stars: Missy gave Taco Bell 1 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: Good spelling, punctuation and grammar
Review Weaknesses: Unreasonable expectations for cleanliness. Missy seems to have already decided that it would be a “mediocre” experience before going, so she needs to take some responsibility here.
23. Jayne’s Review (next least favorite)
Alright for fast food.
-Jayne
I mean it’s Taco Bell right?! Lol this location is a bit strange though. When you ask for hot sauce they give you two. We had a order for 4 people why two hot sauces when I asked for 12 they gave me a HUGE ATTITUDE.
Wtf?! That’s still not even enough hot sauce I was trying to be modest.
It’s not like the employees pay for it.
So why the weird ass attitudes?
Stop being hot sauce nazis.!
Stars: Jayne gave the Warrenton Taco Bell 3 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: Despite being upset and calling them “weird ass” and “nazis”, she still gave them 3 stars. Way to be cool, Jayne.
Review Weaknesses: I mean, I don’t know Jayne. But it appears she was pretty unclear about how many hot sauces she wanted. If she wanted 12, she should just ask for 12. Taco Bell staff aren’t flippin’ mind readers. And they don’t know you well enough to say to themselves, “Oh, Jayne. She’s always so modest… let’s throw in a few extra packets of hot sauce. We know she’ll use them.”2
22. Julie’s Review (next least favorite… you get the idea)
“The service at this Taco Bell is the best. It’s always a pleasure going through the drive through. The gentleman that works the lunch time shift is always so courteous and always has a nice smile on his face. Also, my order is always correct. Keep up the good work Taco Bell.”
-Julie
Stars: Julie gave the Warrenton Taco Bell 5 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: Julie uses a lot of positive, evaluative adjectives, which is consistent with her 5-star rating. Good use of the term, “gentleman”.
Review Weaknesses: Julie could provide more constructive feedback so that the employees have something to improve upon.
21 (Part 1): Lisa M’s First Review
Second time this week i have been in The drive thru gotten my order home and its wrong!
-Lisa M
CHECK YOUR BAGS ! Delights missing both times and today i got reg pepsi i stead of diet !
And they weren’t even busy! Taco today are cold.
Stars: Lisa gave Warrenton Taco Bell 3 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: A lot of enthusiasm. It’s easy to imagine Lisa speaking loudly with a clenched jaw the first 4 sentences, but speaking the final part (“Taco today are cold”) with a soft defeat. Good use of the term, “Delights”.
Review Weaknesses: Hard to find one. I guess drinking Diet Pepsi is pretty questionable?
21 (Part 2): Lisa M’s Revised Review
Second time this week i have been iN The drive thru gotten my order home and its wrong!
-Lisa M.
CHECK YOUR BAGS ! Delights missing both times and today i got reg pepsi i stead of diet !
And they weren’t even busy! Taco today are cold.
Omg soooo week later i try again.. burnt food!!
GET WITH THE PROGRAM TACO HELL !
Stars: Lisa downgraded Warrenton Taco Bell from 3 to 2 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: You have to love Lisa’s perseverance. She’s not going to give up on this Warrenton Taco Bell until they get it right. Great use of imagery and all-caps.
Review Weaknesses: Again, it’s hard to find any. The only criticism I have is that she introduces this “program” that Taco Bell can be part of, but doesn’t go into any detail. What’s the program and what does it offer? Is there a certificate of completion? Who’s running the program? Would be good to know that sort of stuff, because she’s just assuming the readers already know.
20. Jocelyn’s Review
I am only giving this high rating because I miss this location. Here in Reno we have to wait til 9 on the flipping dot to get breakfast.
Warrenton doesn’t care. 7am and I want a [humping] Doritos loco taco? Sure!
I miss the little Hispanic man knowing I want no lettuce on anything and the lady taking my orders reminding me I want jalapenos.
This location runs out of everything by nightfall on Monday. You want meat? Too bad. No gorditas either. But it was home. Hug your local Warrenton people. It’s a family. Dysfunctional, but it’s home.
-Jocelyn
Stars: Jocelyn gave the Warrenton Taco Bell 3 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: You can tell how lonely Jocelyn is without her every saying it. It’s a trademark of good writing. She clearly misses Warrenton and it’s interesting to use Yelp! as a platform for for exploring that.
Review Weaknesses: There’s something about her description of the employees, especially the “little hispanic man” that makes me a little uneasy. Also, she clearly went to this place all of the time, but only gives it a 3-star rating. Just seems a little inconsistent. Needs to work out her feelings a bit more before putting pen to page in a public forum.
19. Rose’s Review
“My daughter said “I’ll never go here again.”
-Rose
I’ll go here again, because I like taco bell, and there’s not another one for an hour in any direction. Hopefully I’ll get to upgrade my review then.
After driving from Portland after work and not eating lunch, I was starving. They weren’t busy, with no one in line, and only one customer in the restaurant when we arrived, we thought we’d be back on the road to head home within a few minutes time. Alas, this was not to be. Placing the order was smooth, the cashier was clearly experienced but not particularly friendly. After we ordered, a few other customers came in, and a group of people, all of whom were served before our order was prepared. It ended up taking over a half hour for our three small regular menu items. We didn’t even special order anything other than asking for sour cream to be left off one thing.
My daughter was so mad she wanted to walk out but since I had already paid and I was really hungry, I insisted we wait.
My quesadilla wasn’t cut into pieces. Just one large piece. And I couldn’t tear it into pieces while I was driving. My daughter would have cut it up, but of course, they never automatically give out silverware OR napkins with to-go items at taco bell (I already knew this, but for some reason, this surprised my daughter.) I had forgotten to ask for them.
We ended up stopping for donuts on the way home instead.”
Stars: Rose gave the Warrenton Taco Bell 2 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: The opening 2 lines are near perfect.
Review Weaknesses: Rose, why don’t ya write a friggin’ novel? Am I right? Just kidding. Let me think… Okay, got one: If Rose was really as hungry as she claims, she would have “smashed” that friggin’ quesadilla while driving. I mean, it’s not that tough to manage an un-cut quesadilla with one hand. The Warrior would just fold it like thin-crust pizza. Try that next time, Rose.
19. “Me” (not the Warrior… someone actually listed their name as, “Me”).
“This location sucks! Long wait times, prices are higher than the location in seaside, and their employees don’t seem to care about the premiss of fast food !”
-Me
Stars: Me gave Warrenton Taco Bell 1 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: Correct to point out that there are some necessary qualities (or premise) of fast food. If it’s not fast, is it even reasonable to call it Taco Bell? Is Taco Bell moving into some sort of fast-casual space? That I can even ask these questions speaks to the quality of this review.
Review Weaknesses: Would like to hear more specifics about the employees and the fundamentals of fast food.
18. Jaime’s Review
“Hands down, the WORST fast food restaurant I’ve ever been to. The very first time we went there, it was drive through and not ONLY did they screw up our order, I ended up getting sick from their meat. I had to drive back to point it out (and it’s not a short drive, I live out in the middle of nowhere), and the person I told was quite rude about it. A little while later, we tried again. I didn’t get sick, but they screwed up the order. I’ve only been a total of four times (it’s on my way home, and my hubby will text me to pick up lunch), and EVERY SINGLE TIME they have screwed up an order.
-Jaime
The kicker? There is not a damn way to contact these people, as they have a phone number listed that does not work. I had to contact the Seaside Taco Bell, give my phone number to that manager, who will call the other one, and wait for them to call me. I doubt it’s going to happen.”
Stars: Jaime gave Warrenton Taco Bell 1 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: Perseverance. Both attempting to build a resistance to Taco Bell by introducing Taco Bell meat bacteria to his/her gut on a consistent basis as well as trying so hard to track down Warrenton Taco Bell management. Plus, he/she really sets the tone in the first line.
Review Weaknesses: Well, I don’t know why the Seaside Taco Bell manager wouldn’t just give Jaime the contact information for the Warrenton Branch. Sounds like Jaime is either stretching the truth or was being “had” by the Seaside location manager. Jaime, if you’re reading this, I can guarantee you that nobody is reaching out. Take this straight to the top and contact the Yum! Brands CEO on linkedin. I’m sure he’ll resolve this for you. You can message him here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gregcreed/
17. Joe S.’s Review
“Three times visiting, three times getting sick. Coincidence? Me thinks that is unlikely. I’m trying not to go here ever again. I have no idea what could be the problem, as I have eaten hundreds of TB meals, but there are enough Mexican food places around that I need not take the chance any more.”
-Joe S.
Stars: Joe gave Warrenton Taco Bell 1 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: Sounds very Shakespearean, using “methinks”.
Review Weaknesses: Questionable comparison of Taco Bell to “Mexican food places”. Not sure how those are related.
16. Emma’s Review
“My husband loves Taco Bell. He was so excited when this one was built because it is close to our home and work. We’ve never had a problem with our order or getting sick. It’s really cheap and delicious. Try the Xxl nachos or the am crunch wraps, then finish it off with some cinnabons so delicious.”
-Emma
Stars: Emma gave Warrenton Taco Bell a full 5 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: I like how Emma seems to be responding directly to Joe S. and other’s who complain about getting sick “every time” the go to this location. Emma’s calling you out. Calling your B.S.
Review Weaknesses: I wish Emma felt more comfortable saying that she loves Taco Bell. Seems to be hiding in the shadow of her husband a bit. I just wish Emma could be her own person. She deserves that.
15. Captain’s Review
“There does seem to be a new trend here of being really slow in the drive-thru. Is it conscientious employees striving for 100 percent accuracy? Could it be a new safety plan to ensure your Taco Bell crew is accident-free and safe at all times? Maybe it is something entirely different… Tonight, on September 20th at around 9PM, I solved the mystery of the ages!!
-Captain
Two cars ahead of me. Car one had a simple order of a few soft tacos and stuff. Not huge.
Car two had a couple of combo orders. No biggie, right?
Me…two tacos and an order of cinnamon twists. Cup of water too. Boom.
Car one sat at the window for almost 10 minutes, while car two took about 8 minutes. I arrived and was there for about 7 minutes, but I, sports fans got a show…
The young gentleman who took my order (I’ll add his name after I locate the receipt) (dirty blond hair, bags under his eyes, skinny, scraggly facial hair, STONED out of his mind. If he was moving any slower, he would be in reverse.
He opens the window and just stood there looking at me like he was lost. Asks me if I wanted the water? Yeppers, hence why I ordered it. Asked if I wanted sauce. Mild please. Ran my card, and said “No sauce, right?” No, mild please. Grabbed a huge pile of napkins and an equally huge handful of sauce packets. Stopped himself before putting them in the bag and said, “Whoa, I don’t want to crush your twists.” Handed me the food bag, the water and then proceeded to hand me the loose napkins and sauce packs. I asked if he could put them in another bag, and he looked at me like he just discovered the cure for cancer, the common cold, and zika stating “Yeah..good idea” The finale was priceless. He started putting multiple handfuls of sauce packets in the bag. Grabbed four big handfuls and looked a bit confused while doing it. I felt he and I were dreaming he worked at Taco Bell, and his reality metre was not firing on all cylinders. Got home and had to know…just how many sauce packets he thought two tacos required. 92 ladies and gentlemen…92!! The wife and I were going to get kinky and slather it all over ourselves, crush up the cinnamon twists, and roll in it to become some surreal Taco Bellian Creatures, wreaking havoc on the coast…but it would pale in comparison to my surreal drive thru experience tonight.
So new menu item #420….two tacos, cinnamon twists, water, and 92 sauce packets….make a run for the border, but bring an extra bag with ya!!
92 X .25 ozs = 23 ozs. or 2.875 cups of sauce. Math Bitches!!
SEE PHOTOS UNDER BUSINESS ALBUM”
Stars: Captain gave WTB 1 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: Well, it certainly is a good story. I’m glad Captain shared it with us. And, unlike a few others here, I actually do believe every part of it. It’s exactly what I would expect from a Taco Bell in Warrenton (Ed Note: I’ve never been).
Review Weaknesses: Two big ones. First, I don’t like this lame threat that the Captain is making about posting this cashier’s name on Yelp! It doesn’t sound like the kid was intentionally being a jerkwad and Captain should have given his feedback directly to this guy (I doubt he did) instead of doing it on Yelp! That’s weak and super passive-aggressive. Second weaknesses is the 1/5 stars. That bag of 90-some hot sauce packets is so great. The story is great. Captain needs to learn how to appreciate the quality things in life.
14. Michael’s Review
Imagine all your worst Taco Bell experiences and then add .29 cents…that’s this place.”
-Michael
Stars: Michael gave Warrenton Taco Bell 1 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: I like this thought experiment, where you imagine your worst Taco Bell experiences. Mine was in the summer of 1999 when I tried to order “mexi-nuggets” at a Buffalo, NY Taco Bell. Mexi-Nuggets were these cayanne-pepper flavored tater tots that were common on West-Coast menus at the time. Turns out they didn’t have them in the North East. Not only was I disappointed (it was my favorite TB food), the cashier looked at me with mild disgust, like I was a crazy white boy from the sticks (which, i guess I sort of was/am).
Review Weaknesses: I don’t get the “add 29 cents” part. What does it mean to add 29 cents to my experience in Buffalo, NY in 1999? I don’t even remember how much my order was for. It wouldn’t have made any difference.
13. Rosalina’s Review
“Service was horrible the woman who took my order was not pleasant i asked for extra napkins and began wiping the water off my intetior panel of my car that got wet while i ask placing my order and she came up and i just said “im just wiping my interior real quick.” And the woman said “well can u wipe your car somewhere else i have people waiting.” In the most rudest manor possible.”
-Rosalina
Stars: Rosalina gave Warrenton Taco Bell 1 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: I want to visit Rude Manor so bad. Gives me a ton of ideas. Also, I can imagine how both Rosalina and the window-person (what do they call window workers?) would be irritated with each other. This is one of those great stories where there are no bad guys and no good guys.
Review Weaknesses: Can’t think of any. Solid review.
12. Marina’s Review
“The staff here are always friendly and helpful with any issues, and most of the time our order is correct. For as cheap as taco bell is, the food is pretty good. Obviously don’t expect a 5 star dining experience from it, but as far as Taco Bell’s go, this one is pretty good. Food always gets to us pretty quickly too!”
-Marina
Stars: Marina gave Taco Bell in Warrenton a full 5 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: It’s pretty, pretty, pretty good. Like that she’s fine with her order being correct “most of the time.” Healthy attitude to have in the modern economy.
Review Weaknesses: When Marina refers to a “5 star dining experience”, I know she’s talking about some sort of formal dining one. So she actually says it’s not a 5-star experience here at Warrenton Taco Bell. But, at the same time, she gave this Taco Bell 5 stars, raising the question, “what does it really mean to give the Taco Bell in Warrenton 5 stars?” Seems like she’s having her cake and eating it too.
11. Ben’s Review
It is Taco Bell. You know what to expect food wise.
-Ben
That being said this location appears to care about customer service. IMO they have hired and trained competent employees that at least pretend to enjoy their jobs. This is the cleanest location I have ever visited and I have yet to have an order messed up.
Swing by and don’t complain about a gut ache…. It’s not their fault you crushed a grande meal.
Stars: Ben gives Warrenton Taco Bell a solid 4 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: Ben calls out a few phonies in Yelp! Real defender of WTB’s honor.
Review Weaknesses: Very few. I mean, I sorta disagree with that statement about “knowing what to expect.” Because I really, honestly don’t. Also, that seems like a bit of a pain-point for people who like to have new experiences on Discovery Lane (the street this location is on).
10. Ryan’s Review
“23 mins to go through a drive through at 530pm. Wow. Probley under staff bc common sense would be have more people working during dinner rushes.”
-Ryan
Stars: Ryan only gave Warrenton Taco Bell 1 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: Sounds like Ryan has taken a few business classes at CCC. We got a a real goddamned operational genius on our hands here. A real CEO in the making. Thanks for sharing your expertise with everyone.
Review Weaknesses: None. Wouldn’t change a thing about this one.
9. Michael’s Review
“This is a pretty new and clean Taco Bell. We were forced here after seeing long lines at the subway.
-Michael
It was the usually food, tasty but calorie filled comfort food.
The downside was the clerk just left when it was our turn. He went to get something and was gone at least two minutes. He could have said be right with you or something. We had no idea what was happening.”
Stars: Mike gave up 3 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: I like to imagine that Michael wrote this review while Taco Bell meat grease was in his eyes and on his keyboard or phone, making it difficult to see or think about what he was writing. I also love the line “We had no idea what was happening.”
Review Weaknesses: It’s hard to find any. It’s hard to take anyone who eats at Subway seriously, I guess.
8. JW’s Review
I like Taco Bell. We have been to several of the stores.
-JW
We use the iPhone app to order regularly at other stores. Every time I use the app at this store they act as if they have never heard of a smart phone.
Today, one of their employees lied to me and tried to tell me that they had only had the app for about a month or so.
I caught him in his lie when my order history showed that I had used the app to order 5 1/2 months previous.
Food is good Taco Bell fare. The employees need to be trained on what Taco Bell offered to their customers for online ordering and advise them that lying is never acceptable.
Stars: JW gave Warrenton’s Taco Bell 2 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: There’s so much to unpack here. First off, the opening two lines are amazing. The whole thing about these employees lying about the app is so good. The training recommendations… all of it. Great review. If I were JW, i’d just write one-word reviews of every restaurant i went to: “Lies!”. Or maybe, “liars!”.
Review Weaknesses: I’d have liked to see a bit more detail on why JW likes to use the app and/or what a training program on “lying” might look like for Taco Bell employees. But it’s hard to complain about this review. It’s very strong.
7. Tarresa’s Review
“Went here today and usually i get crappy attitudes from the night shift people. BUT today i got Don, he was handsome friendly and very nice! Our order was perfect and there was a crap ton of sauce. Not all employees deserve the kind of recognition he’s getting but he made my experience pleasant! Thanks Don!”
-Tarresa
Stars: 5 of 5 from Tarresa
Review Strengths: The obvious attraction to Don. The use of the phrase “crap ton” to connote something positive.
Review Weaknesses: Would like to have seen a picture of Don.
6. Quade’s Review
“This place is very clean the food is great always hot prepared fresh and the people there are super nice they are always asking how my day is and always saying goodbye to me in a polite way and they asked me how my experience was this place my friends I recommend to anyone however the one in Seaside is a total disaster! I’m giving this 4 stars.”
-Quade
Stars: 4 of 4
Review Strengths: When you read it out loud, this review sounds like the ramblings of a coked-up teenage girl who hasn’t slept in several days. Also like that Quade takes the minority view that the Seaside Taco Bell is the lesser of the two Clatsop County Taco Bells.
Review Weaknesses: None.
5. Lora’s Review
“We had the WORST SERVICE EVER!!! The line in the drive throu was horrendous. We waited 20 minutes in line. There was only 2 cars ahead of us. The staff was very inconsiderate. Smash the xxl chicken burrito. The lady Leah asked if we need sauce, never put it in the bag….and the worst part is not one manager was at the window. NO apologizy for the wait time. NO hello, NO goodbye NOT ONE THING!!! This is not what customer service is about..”
-Lora
Stars: Lora gave Warrenton Taco Bell 1 of 5 stars
Review Strengths: I love the 6th sentence, where she simply says, “Smash the xxl chicken burrito”. It’s so ambiguous. I’m pretty sure she means the employees smashed it in the bag. But, I also like to imagine that she “smashed” (i.e., quickly ate) the burrito at this point in the review. Or, alternatively, that she physically smashed it against something out of frustration. Also like this character, Lady Leah, who sounds like some sort of courtier from Elizabethan times.
Review Weaknesses: One small thing: if you see a long line at Taco Bell and get into line anyway, you’re the problem. You can’t blame Taco Bell for that.
4. Shoot. I missed one somewhere. Apologies to everyone. Will look for it some other time.
3. Janet W.’s Review
“slowest Taco Bell on the planet. Portion sizes are strangely small since you think they’d be standardized. Over 20 minutes in the drive thru.”
-Janet W.
Stars: Janet gave up 1 of 5 stars.
Review Strengths: There are a couple things I really like here. First, and most esoteric, is that this person is from Portland and I’d like to imagine it is actually Janet Weiss, the drummer from Sleater Kinney. Second, and more importantly, the “strangely small” thing is so good. While I am 100% confident that Janet was served the exact same stuff that she would have gotten anywhere else, I do like to ponder what made her think her burrito, tacos, or drink was any smaller than anywhere else. Were her hands really swollen that day, leading her to think that all objects she held were “strangely small”? So many possibilities.
Review Weaknesses: None. Great job, Janet!
2. Kathy’s Review
“Not JIB tacos… But an ok substitute when you want drive-thru cheap eats without going to Longview. friendly staff, quick service, dinner is served. Add some Chianti and candles, dining alfresco , and we have happy, happy tastebuds.”
-Kathy
Stars: 3 of 5
Review Strengths: Mad respect for JIBs tacos which are, perhaps, the best fast food taco. These contain a very greasy, creamy taco meat, shreeded lettuce, a slice of american cheese and, from what I can tell, are quickly deep fried. I think Kathy must be from California, where it’s much more common-place to eat these things which cost something like $1.29 for two tacos. In fact, it was my Californian father who first introduced me to these at the exact Longview location that Kathy refers to here. If I had to define the boundaries between Taco Bell and all other restaurants, it would be what Kathy points out: this is not JIBs.
Review Weaknesses: Knowning that Kathy knows the sweet tastes of JIBs tacos, I’m suprised that she gave 3 stars to this place. Desperate times, I guess.
1. Sara’s Review (The Best of the Best)
I was at this taco bell today, I had been struggling with so much and was feeling sad. I walk into the staff singing a sex leopard song with the lyrics changed to a story about burrito Rollin. Food as always mediocre. Staff is five stars
-Sarah
Stars: 5 of 5
I probably don’t need to tell you why this came in first. But, in case you’re that dense, here’s why:
- Refers to Def Leppard as “Sex Leopard”.
- Provides just enough detail to figure out that some employee was singing, Def Leppard’s “Rock of Ages”, but changed the lyrics so that they sound something like, “What do you want? What do you need? I want burrito’s… Taco Bell, Taco Bell. Still Rollin’, Still be Rollin”
Thank you for capturing this moment, Sarah.
And there you have it, The Warrenton Warrior’s review of the 24 (well, 23 of the 24) Yelp! review of the Warrenton Taco Bell.
Love,
The Warrenton Warrior.
The Warrenton Warrior Reader 
Greatly disappointed…I reviewed TB, but on Google, like a modern person. Still, 5 stars for your review reviews! 👍
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